Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

I read this book because I was curious about the movie. It sounded interesting, but I don't know that I really ever understood what it was about. A married couple who wanted more out of life. They were going to be different - "revolutionary."

I just happened to see the book on a shelf at the library and decided to check it out.

I so wish I hadn't.

I didn't like this book at all. The couple were two extremely selfish, arrogant people. They were convinced they were better than everyone else. Completely and totally convinced. And yet, I never learned anything about them to convince me that they were smarter or more attractive or at all better than the people they seemed to despise.

The husband is so pleased that he manages to do nothing at work. In fact, he is described as selecting the job because it was one of those big companies that no one would notice if he did nothing. We all hate our jobs at some point, and office jobs can be especially soul sucking, but we figure out ways to compensate for that. You either look for work that does have meaning, or you try to create a meaningful life outside of work. He's quite content to just brood about how boring his life his. How he deserves to live in Europe because life is better there.

His wife is equally horrible, convinced of her husband's brilliance and her own, by association with him.

His wife does at least make an attempt to do something to change their lives. She decides they're going to move to Europe. She's listened to her husband all these years and is convinced that is the cure. She starts making plans to get a civil service job of some sort. I didn't really understand that part. It seemed to be very easy for her to apply and get this job, despite the fact that she'd not worked in years.

But her action is, in a way, calling her husband's bluff. What is he going to do in Europe? He's not an artist or a writer or an inventor. How is he going to uncover his true potential in Europe? This is when you realize that all he wanted to do was complain. He never though moving would be a possibility, and now that it is, he's panicking. Also, at this point, he's finally starting to get involved in his office job and isn't sure he wants to leave.

The husband is such a jerk. He's always thinking about himself and how he looks and what impression he's leaving on others. Some of the descriptions of conversations between him and his wife were so bothersome. They never spoke to each other like two people who knew each other and cared about each other. He was always playing a role. I got so frustrated with them, why didn't they just talk to each other and tell each other how they were feeling.

These two people didn't love each other, they didn't even like each other. They liked the impression other people had of them. He was handsome and she was pretty and they liked the way they looked together.

Their plans to move fall apart because of their carelessness. The situation looks to only be worsening and April again finds herself trying to make things better. I suppose the ending is sad, but I disliked the characters so much I didn't care all that much.

finished reading: June 15, 2010

Story Sisters by Alice Hoffman

I like the way Hoffman interjects bits of magic into seemingly normal, every day stories. She does it so casually, in such a matter of fact way, that a reader almost believes that magic must exist around us, just as it does in Hoffman's books. At least that's what I choose to believe and I suppose these books seem to validate my own beliefs. There are fairies hovering in the window, demons hiding in the corners, pure thoughts create pure action, just as anger conjures evil.

The Story Sisters: A Novel is about three sisters in New York City who also have family in Paris that they visit. Their parents split up and their lives begin to fall apart. They try to cope by creating a magical world of their own, their own language and magical creatures. But then something truly horrible happens to one of the sisters and sets her on a path of self destruction. The magic created with her sisters loses its power and she turns to harsh reality of theft and drugs and sex.

I understand that we're supposed to feel sympathetic toward Elv because what happened was very bad and this is her way of coping. But she did terrible things to her family. She was so self-absorbed and didn't seem to care about who she was hurting. I hated her. As a reader, I knew that she'd had this bad experience (something the other characters in the story didn't know) but I still didn't feel sorry for her. She didn't seem tough, she seemed pathetic. Her actions ended up ruining the lives of the people who loved her the most. Any time someone tried to help her, she did her best to hurt that person more.

It's a very sad book, one tragedy after another. To some extent it seemed like too much. These sisters did nothing to deserve such a horrible life and yet things kept getting worse for them.

What I did like about the book though was the scenes in Paris. One of the sisters, Claire, goes to Paris to try to get away from the sadness. Her grandmother is there, and all of her grandmothers friends provide the support system that she needs to move on with her life. I loved the descriptions of Paris and the different colors in the sky. I thought of that on my recent trip to Paris, and I noticed the colors in the sky, the pink and orange and yellow as the sun sets in the evening. Also, when I walked around some of the neighborhoods, I noticed the little glass figures in the windows of shops and I thought of Claire's creations.

There's a hint of happily ever after in the end. The bad sister seeking redemption and I suppose we're expected to view her as a recovered person, but I felt too wary based on her past actions. I couldn't forgive, even if the rest of her family did.

I suppose I liked the book, without liking all of the characters.

finished reading a bit before 5 a.m. on Feb. 7, 2010

Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf

An employee at Borders recommended this book. I told my book club about it and we decided to read it.

This is a story about a little girl who doesn't speak. She's a selective mute. She can speak, but she won't. She and her friend disappear one morning and the novel is about the family and law officers attempt to figure out what happened and find the children.

It's been a while since I read this, so I don't remember the exact details. I remember that the story held my interest. I didn't find it boring. But I also remember that the storyline seemed to get a little absurd. There were several villains in this story, and one seemed to appear near the end and wasn't really tied to the rest of the story. I don't want to give away spoilers, but I thought it seemed a bit odd.

What mostly stands out to me though is the mother in the story. There are few things that annoy me more than the sympathetic treatment of a neglectful mother. The mother in this story is portrayed as so pretty and so innocent and so abused and weak. All the men want her, even if just to make sure the other men can't have her. She made me so angry, and I don't think that was the author's intention. As I was reading this though, I felt like the mother was largely to blame because she should have gathered her children and gotten the hell out of the abusive situation in which they lived. She had family and friends who would have helped her, but she instead chose to be dependent on a man who beat her.

It was an okay book. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. I didn't like the characters very much. I even found the little girl annoying. Maybe it's just my general dislike of small town, rural life and their different value system that annoyed me. I'm a city girl and I like reading about people in cities.

Deja Dead by Kathy Reichs

I am a huge fan of the TV show, Bones. Bones is based on the life of Kathy Reichs, who writes a series of books about a character named Temperance Brennan. If you watch the show, you may have noticed that in the show, Temperance (Bones) is a novelist, who writes a series of books about a character named Kathy Reichs. Anyway... Deja Dead is the first book in the Kathy Reichs' Temperance Brenan series. I'm always looking for a good mystery novel, and a great series to dive into would be especially nice, so I decided to start with this book.

I liked the story well enough. But the character of Temperance is so, so different from the character on the show. In the book, she lives in Canada and she's a recovering alcoholic and divorced with a grown daughter. She seems tired and weary and sad. She seems to be missing a lot of the traits that I love about the character on the show. On the show, Bones doesn't care about dating, she's not worried about her family, she's too involved in work to pay attention to anything else.

If I could view this book as something completely separate from the show, I may have liked it more. But I was a little disappointed. Also, I felt there were some weird coincidences. She happens to be helping out on a case and then, oh look at that, the killer is also stalking her because he happens to have newspaper articles about her in his house. I remember thinking that was odd because he would have had to have targeted her before he had any clue that she would be involved. I was also bothered that the criminal was able to get so close to her, and there seemed to be a lot of physical violence. I think I've said before, I'm more drawn to the intellectual investigations, less direct involvement with the killers.

I wanted to like this book so much that I would felt compelled to read the rest of the series. But I didn't feel that. I may read the other books, but I didn't feel the need to rush out and get the second book.

Finished reading Jan. 18 around 4 a.m.

Disquiet by Julia Leigh

I selected this book because I like the title and the cover is beautiful. Probably not the best of reasons, but so be it.

A woman and her two children show up at her mother's home in France. Around this same time, the woman's brother and his wife and their dead baby show up. Gradually, through bits of dialogue and her interactions with others, the reader discovers the circumstances that led to her return home, as well as hints about her future plans.

I liked the book. It's a very short novel, a novella, I guess. A quick read about a family in France. I liked the style in which this was written. There are not any words wasted explaining the setting or background. The events are described, and it's up to the reader to figure out the back story. Once the full story is pieced together, the reader realizes in just a few words, there is a lot happening, or rather, a lot has happened that is currently affecting these characters.

I liked the atmosphere created in the book. It felt dark and moody: a French chateau; family secrets; mischievous children; sad, disappointed family members.

Overall, an interesting read. I enjoyed it, a nice way to spend an evening. Planning to read more by this author.

Almost Moon by Alice Sebold

A friend, who knows me fairly well though she hasn't known me for very long, recommended I read this book. The fact that she felt it would resonate with me exemplifies how well she knows me.

This is the story of Helen and her relationship with her mother, and way that relationship has effected Helen in other aspects of her life.

The title comes from her father telling her that her mother is there, they just can't see all of her. Like the moon? asks Helen, we know it's there, but sometimes it's hidden.

The novel begins with Helen killing her mother and continues with her trying to figure out what to do next and remembering the events in her life that led her to her mother's death.

Her mother suffers from some form of mental illness though there is no indication that she was ever diagnosed or treated. Whatever her mother's problem, whether real or imagined, the result is that she's controlling and cruel. She does all she can to convince her daughter that no one could ever love her except for her. She expects her husband and child's world to revolve around her. She's weak outside of the home, but in complete control while inside.

The damage she inflicts on Helen is deep and lingering. Helen grows up, goes away to college, has a husband and children, all in her attempt to be normal, to have a life that didn't revolve around her mother. But eventually she loses all of that. She doesn't finish college, her marriage ends, and she returns to live in a home near her parents, supported by her father's money. Just as her mother wanted, she becomes her whole world.

This book is very well-written, hard to put down. Helen embarks on one shocking event after another, having no clue as to what she should do next. It paints what I would imagine to be, a very real picture of what goes through someone's mind when something so startling happens. Helen didn't perform a cold, calculated murder. Her actions were impulsive and she doesn't know what to do to remedy what's she's done. The characters are baffled by the events, not sure how one is supposed to behave following a murder.

I've only glanced at other reviews of this book, and noticed a lot of negative comments. I think that's because the book concerns a very harsh subject, a situation that is foreign to most people. I don't mean murder, we've all read plenty of murder stories, but rather the idea of a mentally disturbed mother. For some people, a relationship such as the one between Helen and her mother is too absurd to imagine. Oh, to be one of those people...

Despite being so engrossed in the story, there were times when I needed to set the book down and take a break because of the intensity of the story. There were moments that hit very close to home. Everyone says they have a "crazy" mother, but as I got older I realized that people have different definitions of crazy. Not everyone's mother belittles then and tries to destroy their self-confidence, not everyone's mother says mean hateful things to their children, or makes us stories to try to cause problems in their other relationships, or writes anonymous letters calling them whores. When I got older, I was surprised to learn that some people had mothers who actually provided emotional support and encouragement. At the age of 33, that still seems like a novel concept to me: a kind, caring mother.

Most of all though, I sympathized with Helen's attempts to get away. Hers failed. I find myself in that position, trying to escape and feeling like the world can come tumbling down with a crazy phone call, or -- because I had to quit answering my phone -- a crazy email. I find myself angry and wondering why I'm not allowed to live my own life, why I've had to spend so much of my life compensating for my mother's mental instability. Unlike Helen though, I have made the decision to never have a family out of fear of replicating the only example I had. Even though I know this story is fiction, Helen's failed attempt at having a family seems to validate my own beliefs.

My only issue with the book though was the ending. There was so much buildup and so much happening, then the book just ends. I felt like the story wasn't finished, that if anything, the real action had just started. I wanted to know what happened next, but the book was over.

Life of Pi

My book club selected this book to read. I'd had it sitting by my bed for the past two years and several times I attempted to read it, but got distracted by something I considered more interesting.

I enjoyed the book. I didn't love it. A lot of people that I know absolutely love the book. I found it interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning when Pi is experimenting with different religions and is participating in three different ones, much to his modern, secular-minded father's horror.

But then Pi's family decides to move to Canada. Pi's father owned a zoo, and he's sold most of the animals to other zoos in America, so they're on a boat filled with animals when the boat sinks. Pi and a tiger named Richard Parker survive. This is when the real story begins. The book details Pi's attempts to survive on this boat in the middle of the ocean with a tiger as his only companion.

In the beginning he fears the tiger, but eventually they come to depend on each other and he regards the tiger as his friend.

This book is steeped in symbolism and probably requires multiple readings, or as the case with me, a thorough discussion involving multiple viewpoints.

To me though, this was a story about the power of one's imagination, and the way a person learns to survive in extreme circumstances. When the world becomes too unbearable to survive, Pi creates a new world in which he can exist until his situation changes.

The Song Is You by Arthur Phillips

Before this book was even released, I read all sorts of glowing reviews about it. Beautiful writing, observational wit, a man and his iPod, a man who connects to his music, etc.

I like music, I was lured in by the reviews. I checked it out from the library as soon as it was released.

Let me just begin my review by saying I think this is a terrible book. And here is why I think this is a terrible book:

A man going through a mid-life crisis, who is disappointed with everything about his life, becomes obsessive about music. He falls for a young singer at a bar and begins to stalk her. There is nothing beautiful or romantic about this. He starts sending her emails and following her around, taking photos, he travels to Europe to see her. Creepy. And the worst part, the part that makes it clear that this book is being written by a man wanting to live out his own fantasies through his characters -- is that rather than be concerned by this stalking, the singer is flattered and yearning to meet her stalker.

This is the kind of story that supports the idea that women like being stalked, that we're flattered by obsessive creeps and invite the idea of being assaulted.

If this was the story of a woman stalking a male musician the woman would be considered crazy and delusional and fit for an institution.

When women write stories like this, about following around men they adore and then have their attention returned, the writing is dismissed as "chick lit." But when a man writes this kind of drivel, he's considered "one of the greatest writers of our time." I think not. I'm going to label this as "dick lit." This is nothing more than a man writing about his fantasies of hooking up with a young woman -- in this particular case, a talented, famous young woman. And just to make this nice and neat, after it becomes certain the young girl wants him, he decides to return to his wife and continue living a nice, normal life. Convenient. Gag. Wish I'd not wasted my time reading this book.

Marley and Me

I watched the movie before I read the book, so I knew what was going to happen. But still, there I was on the airplane, sitting next to a stranger, crying uncontrollably, trying to wipe the tears away with the stupid, weak little airplane napkin they give you along with your drink.

If you've ever loved and lost a dog, then I suspect you can relate to this story.

I really liked this book.

American Wife by Curtis Sittenfield

For my book club, we read Sittenfield's book Prep. I hated it, absolutely hated it. The main character was so weak, so desperate to please and be wanted. The explicit sex in the book was so awkward, which I suspect was appropriate considering the subject matter -- confused teenagers fucking.

But I was curious about Sittenfield's fictionalized take of Laura Bush.

Surely we all had moments where we wondered what Laura Bush thought about her husband and his policies. Was she angry, sad, encouraging, proud? Impossible to know behind the frozen expression on her face. The robot wife.

Some chose to believe that she must not approve. She's a woman who claims to love books and libraries. How can she stand by a man who so strongly disapproves of education and instead represents the antithesis of advancement through education?

No one understands the makings of a marriage except the two people involved. As viewers on the outside, we've no right to judge. But that doesn't mean we aren't at least curious.

After reading part of this though, I started feeling very angry for Laura Bush. Sittenfield has used some details about her life but added the same explicit sex that bothered me so much about Prep. Why would a person project those ideas onto the president's wife? Her intent could only be malicious. I doubt there was any sort of information to support what she wrote. The fact that she even thought this grossed me out.

I didn't finish reading the book. I tried reading the book, and then I listened to it on CD for a while during my daily commute, but one day I just quit because I realized I was bored.

Wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.

Water's Lovely by Ruth Rendell

Ruth Rendell is one of my favorite writers and I'll read just about anything she writes.

This wasn't a favorite though. Family secrets and lies and unhappy relationships. The story was interesting enough, but it took me a long time to get through this book. I finally picked up a copy of the audiobook to listen to on a long drive over the holidays. I found the ending to be shocking and not necessary. The ending had nothing to do with the story, but was horrible and sad.

Breaking Dawn

This is the fourth book in the Twilight series. I was so anxious for it to come out. I pre-ordered it at Borders and I stood in line with all the teenagers to get my copy at midnight the day it was released.

I was getting on a plane to Paris the next day. I didn't like taking such a large book with me, but I was glad to have the reading material. (Especially since I ended up sitting next to someone who didn't speak English, and the video system didn't work. That's right, ten hours in a plane with no TV - and it's nearly impossible for me to sleep on planes, especially at the beginning of the trip.)

I hated this book so much. And I felt so trapped with it. I couldn't discard the book because I had nothing else to read and nothing to watch and no one to talk to.

The book was absurd, filled with coincidences and convenient twists. Everything that had been said in the past books suddenly no longer held true. Becoming a vampire is a terrible process -- but oh wait, now it's suddenly simple and easy! Vampires can't have children. Well, this time they can! Just this once. Children are difficult and require a lot of work -- except for this one. She's special, grows at a rapid rate and is talking and walking in weeks. Brilliant! If the vampires in charge get angry, they'll show up and kill the people that angered them -- unless you talk a whole lot, then they'll just say okay and go back home.

As much as I defended the first three books and said they aren't harmful to teenage girls, I feel the exact opposite about this book. Never, never tell a teenage girl that having unprotected sex and an unplanned pregnancy will turn out all wonderful and happy. The author could have used this opportunity to make a statement, at least show the new parents struggling to figure out how to raise a child for which they were not prepared.

And the bit with Jacob. I almost forgot about that because it was so disgusting I've tried to block it out of my mind. Jacob is a pedophile. Nice. No, not nice, gross. So all you Team Jacob-ers, be ready, your guy is disgusting.

I hated this book. I'm angry that I wasted quality reading time trapped with this book. I wish I had never read it, then I could have gone on enjoying this series. But this book ruined it. I always tell people to avoid this book. But of course, it's the last book in a series, so they're going to read it, and in most cases, they will later with they hadn't.

Then We Came to an End by Joshua Ferris

It's been a while since I read this book, I fell behind on my book reviews, but here's what I remember...

Do you watch the movie, Office Space, and the TV show, The Office, and laugh hysterically because it's so ridiculous and true? You laugh because you lived it, and you survived, or are surviving it, and you have to laugh to keep from crying?

I spent nine years in an office. I started making plans to leave about seven years in, and around that time, things started to fall apart. Moving in new directions, relocations, etc. It worked out well for me, around the time I was ready to leave, the company was ready to be rid of us, so I waited for the severance package. We all did okay.

It was after I'd been away from the office for a while that I found this book at the library. As is often the case, it was the title that attracted me. I thought it was a tragic love story. But instead it's the story of an office and what happens in an office when a group of people work together every day. It's about the way their unique, individual personalities mesh and collide. In this particular case, it is about what happens in such an office when the economy takes a hit, and downsizing begins - which explains the title.

As I was reading this, I thought, this person must have worked at the same company I worked. I did some research, thinking of all the wanna-be writers at our news distribution service. I was unable to find any connections, and it was then I realized that all offices, for the most part, are very much the same. It doesn't matter if they are distributing news or paper or plastic, in the end, it's all the same.

The story rang so true. I could match the characters with characters from my own experiences in the corporate world. It was funny and it was sad because that's what real life is.

I've recommended this book to all of my former co-workers, though I don't think any of them took me up on the recommendation. It's an enjoyable read, if only for nostalgic purposes. I don't know that I'd find it so humorous if I was still in that situation.

And here's the website that accompanied the book, which I found to be amusing: http://www.hachettebookgroup.com/features/twctte/twctte_022307/index.html

Sundays at Tiffanys by James Patterson

A sad little girl has an imaginary friend named Michael. Years later, as an adult -- who is still tormented by her overbearing mother -- Michael returns to her life. They fall in love and live happily ever after.

But no explanation is ever provided as to how this is possible. Why is Michael suddenly real and no longer imaginary? Am I expecting too much to want to know this?

I was drawn to this book because -- well, how can I put this without sounding a little off? -- I'm a big believer in imaginary friends. I exist almost entirely within my head. I gave up on real, human relationships long ago. I couldn't handle the disappointment. I became attached too easily and broken too completely. As a child, I created a group of people to befriend me because I didn't have the social skills to make real friends. As an adult, while I'm sane enough to realize imaginary friends are indeed imaginary and not real, I keep them alive by writing about them. I never give much thought to my real world surrounding, I'm too busy focusing on my fictional people. I tell myself someday I'll put the story together, call it a novel and turn it into my livelihood, but honestly, I think I just keep the characters going because without them, I'd be alone, completely and totally alone.

I can write this because the few people I know who read this already know that I'm, well, how did I describe it earlier? ... a bit off.

Anyway, point being, I had hoped this book would further explore the idea of people depending on imaginary friends. I needed an explanation. I'd assumed that the story would be about someone who met a person who embodied everything she's once yearned for in an imaginary friend. But none of that happened. The imaginary friend had no explanation and he agreed that he was very much imaginary.

Very disappointing book.

The Next Thing on my List by Jill Smolinski

I enjoyed this book quite a bit.

I read about this book while reading a story about people making lists. I'm a big list maker. Books to read this summer, things to do before I turn 30 (that one passed a few years ago), places to visit, languages to learn, you get the idea.

This book is about a woman, June, drifting through her life. She's content enough, but doing only what she needs to do to get by. She meets a woman, Marissa, at a Weight Watchers meeting, they're in a car wreck and the woman dies. Later, a list is found in the car, "things to do before I turn 25" that belonged to the Marissa. June is well past 25, but she's struck by the list and the idea of Marissa having these goals, and not ever having the chance to fulfill them. It's been a few months since I've read the book, but if I recall correctly, while visiting the cemetery she runs into Marissa's brother and in an attempt to strike up a conversation with him and she tells him that she's decided to finish the list for Marissa.

What becomes apparent is that June has never had a list or a set of goals. As I said, she's drifted through life, letting life happen to her. For the first time ever, she's got a purpose and this changes her.

What I thoroughly enjoyed about the book was the manner in which it was written. June seemed like such a real character. In so many ways, unfortunately, I could relate to her -- settling in a boring job, living alone, drifting. I'm around her age, and constantly faced with the same realization that I stopped living my life years ago, just threw in the towel and decided I'd observe from the side. Throughout the book, she name drops bits of pop culture that reminds me that she's one of my contemporaries. Her surprise of Marissa's love for Trent Reznor, without providing a description of Trent Reznor ... women of a certain age and mindset know exactly what was meant, no elaboration needed, those older and younger, well, this book isn't really meant for them, is it?

Near the end of the book, I thought the storyline got a little bizarre. One item on the list was to change someone's life. She takes on a troubled teenager, and then possibly too caught up in the idea of goals and changing the world gets too involved with the teen, almost destroys her own life in her zeal to save this girl. It all works out in the end, but it seems a little too simple and neat.

In the end though, you feel that June has begun living with a purpose, and that's what matters. She'll never go back to drifting again. She's involved and present, no longer a neutral observer. And that's a whole lot more than I've been able to accomplish in my 32 years of life.

Overall though, I enjoyed the book and would readily recommend it to anyone in need of light, yet inspiring, read.

For One More Day by Mitch Alborn

This book was supposed to be a selection for our book club. Not something I would have normally read.

The person who suggested the book really liked it.

Didn't do much for me. As I said later when we discussed the book, it left me underwhelmed.

I read it a few months ago, and now that I'm writing this, I remember very little about the book, it had that kind of non-impact.

The story is all about this guy who is on the verge of ending his life. As he's dying he's thinking of the ways his mother supported him and the ways he didn't support his mother. He was a young boy who wanted love from his dad. He was being raised by his mom though, his dad having left, or his mom having left his dad. (His dad was having an affair, had an entirely other family off in another town, I don't remember now if the mother discovered this and ended the marriage or if the father chose the other family over her.)

The mother had a rough life, being single in a time when being divorced was quite scandalous.

But for the most part, the son didn't behave any differently than any other young boy would behave. He loved baseball; he loved his father. He was too young to understand the sacrifices his mother made. As he got older he should have known better, one stupid moment in particular that stands out was the father dragging his son away from the mother's birthday party to participate in a game for old-timers. The son is a grown man by now and at that point should have had the good sense to tell his dad, "Nope, sorry, I'm busy today."

I guess the idea of the book is that the man's life is in shambles because he didn't love his mother enough. As he lays dying, he revisits his mother and he realizes she loved him unconditionally. This changes his life. He survives and changes his life, because a part of abandoned daughter's life and all is well.

It's all a little too simple and silly for me. The nice thing about the book is that it is quite short, so I didn't feel like I lost much time in reading it, but I didn't think I gained much from it either.

Strapless by Deborah Davis

When I saw John Singer Sargent's Portrait of Madame X for the first time at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, I didn't anything about the painting's history. I just thought the picture was beautiful. The placement at the museum ensures that she's seen from a distance.

After I left the museum, I wanted to know more about this painting.

That's when I learned about the scandal this painting caused. This painting created such an uproar, it ruined Singer Sargent's career for a while.

There are a few books written on the subject. I found this one at the library and enjoyed it quite a bit.

It's a nonfiction book, but written in such a way that it reads as easily as a novel. It tells the story of how Singer Sargent wanted to paint Virginie Gautreau, an American living in Paris. She's described as the "it" girl at the moment. He believed painting her would be advantageous to his career. But everything backfired on both of them.

The picture, because one strap of the dress was depicted as falling off her shoulder, was deemed too scandalous. The pale skin and haughty look on the subject's face were considered offensive. According to the critics, she looked as if she were ready for or had just had sex.

The book reveals quite a bit about the artist, as well as the subject and the effects of the scandal.

I thought the book provided an entertaining way to gather some art history. I'd recommend to anyone who wanted to know more about this painting.

Twilight, New Moon & Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer

I realize it's very hip to hate on these books. Write them off as teen trash or whatever.

But I liked them.

They reminded me of a time in my life -- a long, long time ago -- when I still believed it was possible to fall completely and totally in love. A time in my life when I dreamed of a beautiful, handsome boy falling in love with me.

I'm old now, I've never loved anyone and don't expect anyone to ever love me in return, and I'm very okay with that. I've had years to get used to the feeling. But sometimes it's nice to revisit that memory of hope and wondering about what might be.

For all the people who get up in arms about how horrible it is that Bella allows Edward the power in the relationship, isn't first love supposed to be irrational? You don't stop to analyze the long term effects. Not when you're a teenager and ruled by your hormones. You just fall, right? What do I know? But this is how I would imagine it to be.

I really liked Bella. She reminded me of myself in high school. Not caring about fashion or trends, keeping to herself. Of course, I didn't have a beautiful vampire boy fall in love with me :( She's not created to a feminist hero, but she is a character that the not-so-popular girls might be able to relate to. The character represents the idea that you don't have to be dumb and blonde and obsessed with the brand of your shoes to get a boyfriend.

Some of the complaints about the books are so silly. How dare they not have sex! Edward is repressing her desires. Really, that's a bad thing? Edward is trying to be careful and mature by having them wait for sex. Well, damn. That evil bastard. Because you know teen girls don't have enough sex and wouldn't it be awful if they allowed boys to tell them to wait? Whatever.

Then there are the claims that Edward is too protective of her, always watching her. Well, duh, he's worried about her. She's clumsy. He's in love and not completely rational. His actions are hardly dangerous or creepy. We've already established that he's not stalking her to have sex with her. And in the second book, he leaves her because he thinks that is best for her safety. Isn't that sort of the opposite of stalkerish.

I really don't feel there was anything in these books that would have a long lasting negative effect on young girls. If it makes them want to wait to have sex, well, that seems like a good thing. If they are deluded into thinking men are supposed to be considerate, concerned and protective, then maybe they'll not give in to the first teenage loser who expects a blow job. As a teacher, I am supportive of anything that encourages teenagers to wait to have sex, even if it gives them false illusions about relationships. At some point, they'll realize they're not going to meet a gentlemen vampire, and they'll, sadly, they'll move on to normal men.

When I was in high school, I loved classic literature, but I also read all kinds of trashy books -- Danielle Steel and bodice ripper historical romances, Christopher Pike. I didn't turn into a nympho or a drug used. All these people worried about the effect Twilight will have on teenage girls -- just be glad they're reading!

Reading is supposed to be fun. Sometimes it can be profound and meaningful, but it doesn't always have to be. These books were fun and harmless as far as I could tell and I enjoyed reading them.

The fourth book, though, that's a whole different story...

Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

I read this book back in high school because I love Gatsby and I was haunted by the title. So beautiful. And the story that it told was as beautiful as the title.

I decided to re-read it though because while I could say that I loved the story, the prose -- as expected from Fitzgerald -- paints such a captivating pictures of a tragic love affair and Paris and the French Riveria -- I was fairly certain that I was too young to fully understand what all was happening in the story.

So I read the book again. It was as beautiful and tragic as I remember. A doctor falls in love with a mental patient. He seems to be the only person capable of saving her. But he does too well in caring for her -- at least that would be his assessment. After years of marriage and two children, Nicole becomes well -- as well an anyone else at least. And seeing that she is no longer dependent on him, her husband Dick Diver begins to lose interest. Instead he's drawn to young actress, attracted by her youth and her need. Dick doesn't want to be in love, he doesn't want a healthy partner, he wants someone dependent on him. He wants to be the hero, his lover's salvation. He has no use for a healthy Nicole. Therin lies the tragedy.

The story is about their love affair, their marriage and then subsequent disintegration of their relationship. While that could be a story told a million times, one which happens in at least half of all relationships, it's Fitzgerald's prose that makes this story worth reading. This is the kind of writing that makes you ache and you feel their lives falling apart, watch them begin to go their different directions and realize their love was never love at all.

Finished reading: April 20, 2008 (second time)

What the Dead Know by Laura Lippman

I'm fairly picky about my mysteries. Only those written by British women, and then only by a handful of authors. But when establishing those sorts of limits, you are well, obviously, significantly limiting your reading options.

At the end of the year, I tend to peruse the best of lists to get an idea as to what I want to add to next year's reading list. This book was mentioned several times, it's a mystery, written by an American woman, and was lauded as a thrilling mystery. And yet, by the time I finished it, I remembered why I prefer the British.

Two young girls go missing at the mall. After an extensive investigation, there are no clues. Thirty years later, a woman is in a car wreck, attempts to flee the scene and when she's caught, she claims to be one of the missing Bethany girls. Thus begins the story...

The story flips back and forth between now and then, including examinations of the effects on the parents and the investigators, intertwined with flashbacks from the mystery woman. I found this to be aggravating because the only mystery is the tease the author is creating for the reader. The actual events cover two or three days and aren't nearly as exciting. A hesitant, spoiled woman with selective memory, a detective who wants to screw anything that moves and a sad divorcee and an angry lawyer are all standing around waiting for the truth.

There are too many characters who have no real impact on the story. While the writing succeeds in keeping the reader guessing, upon learning the truth, it feels like such a wasted effort. It was set up to seem so mysterious and horrible and in the end, it's all quite pathetic. The implied cruelty was not at all what was implied, and was in fact very much a hell of the victim's own making. Harsh, yes, but I felt no sympathy at all for this character.

As I said, the story drags out for quite a while, with teases and hints and blind flashbacks from the mystery woman. Then the whole truth is quickly explained in about ten or so pages, leaving me saying, "What the hell? That's what happened?" Very, very unsatisfying read. So many other books I could have been reading during this time.

My biggest issues with the story -- it's set up to imply that the girls are much younger than they are. As I read it, I kept thinking, two, young, innocent little girls. (I realize their ages must have been mentioned, but still... ) And in the conclusion, the innocent young girls become fiesty, rebellious women. Didn't see that coming, at all. Maybe that's my own fault. But if that was the case, why was it regarded only as a kidnapping, and not a potential runaway situation?

Another problem was that it was not at all believable. The parents are described as being open-minded and progressive. The mother even points out that these weren't the sort of children who would go off with someone claiming to be a cop because their father had taught them to question authority. But if they were such great parents, why would their daughter behave in such a way? It doesn't make sense at all. As horrible as the events are, for the characters to behave in the way they do initially and then continue to behave in such a way for the next thirty years? Their behavior is more like that expected from children who have abusive or cold, distance parents, not the liberal, loving ones described.

I didn't enjoy this book. I liked it even less when I learned later that it was loosely based on a real life case. Meaning the events that did make sense in the story were copied from real life and the assumption as to what happened -- the part that seemed so absurd was the work of the author.

Giving by Bill Clinton

I've always been a Clinton fan. Bill was the president of my idealistic youth. Granted, he broke my heart with the Lewinsky scandal, but I forgave him and moved on.

In the last few years, I've been quite impressed with the way he has stayed involved in the world. He could sit back and relax, his job done, but instead he's still out there, doing whatever he can to make this a better world. He and his wife could retire comfortably right now, but they both believe so strongly in public service, they keep working.

I saw Bill Clinton talking about this book on Oprah and then checked out a copy at the library. It took me a while to getting around to read it, but I needed something safe to read while at school, something that I wouldn't mind stopping and starting and this seemed convenient for that purpose.

This book is specifically about ways people give and contribute to the world through money, time or service. It serves not only to praise though who have given, but also as a way to provide examples to others who want to do the same. A person doesn't have to be rich or brilliant, everyone has something they can contribute.

This book felt a little dull in the beginning, but as I continued reading, I found myself getting excited about the opportunities discussed. It gradually starts to sink in that everyone does have something to give. As I was reading, in the back of my mind, I started thinking of things I can do. I don't have any money -- I'm unemployed at the time, making just enough to pay my bills by doing some substitute teaching. But I can paint, and maybe I could contribute paintings to my favorite causes, let them sell the work and keep the money. Little things like that. Reading it felt empowering.

It's a nice read, with a lot of inspiring stories. The sort of book I think everyone should read, but the people who need it most won't.

Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx

Nikki Sixx was one of my first loves. Oh my god, Nikki Sixx. Say his name and even now, I feel a twinge and if you knew how thoroughly frigid I am, you'd know what a feat that is. Hmmm, Nikki, darling Nikki, the ignitor of so many fiery young fantasies.

I was such a repulsively boring good girl during the teenage years, not because I was sincerely good, but rather because I was profoundly bored with what was available to me in the desert wasteland of west Texas. While my empty-headed, desperate female classmates spent their free time necking with dusty, tobacco chewing shit kickers, I sat alone in my room, escaping into a pencil drawing, a thick book, old movie or dreams of Nikki Sixx.

Mind you. I said Nikki was one of my firsts... Jon Bon Jovi was my absolute first and my teenage bedroom reflected my devotion to my first, the walls covered in Jon, Jon, Jon. But Jon is all things good and pure. Part of the adoration of Jon is the fact that he married his high school sweetheart and because I placed him so high up a pedestal, he was elevated to god-like status and well, you get the idea. Nikki, though, he was the opposite of good and pure and the object of a whole different sort of adoration. I hung a huge poster of Nikki Sixx inside my closet door, hidden from the casual eyes, it was from the Dr. Feelgood era, he was wearing a pair of unzipped leather pants, shirtless, exposing his pierced nipples and tattoo-covered chest and arms. His hair was aqua-netted to hell, long and black and sticking out in every direction and he had twisted snarl on his face. Oh, Nikki... I was certain that only a man like Nikki could succeed in melting this ice queen... I'm not so sure I was wrong in that assumption.

But anyway...

Now that I've revealed my past history with Nikki, it only makes sense that I'm going to find a way to get my hands on anything by or about Nikki... even now that I've reluctantly accepted the role of frumpy, spinster school teacher.

The Heroin Diaries looks gorgeous. Fans have been hearing about this book for years, wondering if it would ever be released. It looks as if a lot of time was put into this tome. Each page is illustrated, it includes new art, as well as old photographs, all in a collaged, scrapbook-on-crack sort of way, in an impressive red, black and white color scheme. On looks alone, it stands ahead of most rock biographies.

The premise of the book is that Nikki found some old journals, written during an especially bad year (1987) of his drug addiction, and has decided to make those public to provide a cautionary tale and show the sort of damage and horror that accompanies heroin addiction.

The story is interesting enough, quite disturbing actually, as he details the paranoia and the drug deals, the damage and the depression that accompanies loving drugs more than anything else. Throughout the book, quotes from bystanders in the experience are included, as a way to confirm or at times contradict Nikki's writing. I don't doubt the truth of his stories, though I am suspicious of the accuracy of his writing. He seems too aware of his downward spiral. He knows when he's being paranoid and he knows when he's being excessive. If you were that aware, would you continue down that path? I don't know. That being said, I know that I could glance through some of my old journals and read my own writing in which I elaborated on being lazy and stuck in a dead-end job and paranoid and very aware of my own dire circumstances and doing absolutely nothing to change the situation, content to merely record the misery. So I'm not exactly an authority on this.

However, as a cautionary tale, I don't think the story is successful. It's an interesting read for a fan who is interested in the life of Nikki Sixx. But there is nothing in this story that will warn an impressionable young, potential drug user away from these substances. For the average, sane minded, person, then yes, it's a horrifying picture of what drugs can do. But for the type of person most likely to get involved with this junk... not so much. I say this based on my experience around teenagers. For the most part, they aren't especially wise, and I can see them devouring the book and saying, "oh my god, Nikki's so awesome, he did drugs all night and banged fifteen women, he crashed his motorcycle and walked home. He pulled a gun on his drug dealer and torn down the blinds. He went to Hong Kong and he made an ass of himself on the train, isn't that hilarious? I wanna be just like Nikki."

I hear the kids sitting around whispering and laughing about their own drunken exploits or how someone jumped out of the window on acid or was naked in the front yard, etc. You get the idea. They aren't scared of much and think they can survive anything.

And the reason this really doesn't work as a cautionary tale is because Nikki survived. He hit rock bottom, he stayed away from drugs for a while, but then he went back to them. (At the end of the story, he provides a timeline explaining his ups and downs with his career and drug use following the year described in the book.) These experiences didn't even serve as a cautionary tale for him. Nikki lived this excessive, decadent life, and he lived to tell about it and now he's successful and he has a family and he's still making great music and he's pursuing other career venues. He didn't end up dead or broke or alone or living in a cardboard box on the street. He's doing great, which stands as a testament to his talent and his strength -- something a lot of people don't have. I'm glad he's doing well because, well, I mentioned my adoration for him earlier in this post. But I don't see how his experiences serve as a caution for others tempted to follow that path. If anything, I feel like that decadent lifestyle is glamorized to some extent. Yes, he was battling drugs, but he was still living a life most people only dream about -- drugs, sex and rock and roll.

One issue I had though was the many quotes about how Vince Neil is a jerk. After a while, I was like, "Okay, we get it, no one likes Vince, you made the point." And the repeated mentions of "poor" Mick Mars' illness. They went into this quite a bit in Dirt and I didn't really care then either. Most readers of Heroin Diaries probably read Dirt, so why bring that all up again?

Also, I could have done without the pictures of the naked girls -- including those sort of added to the "glamorous" aspect -- he's trying to describe how bad life was on drugs, but then he's showing pictures of the naked chicks he banged? And what part of that was considered bad?
He talks about ending up with stupid women, but what did he expect, picking up strippers and drug users and women so willing to have sex within minutes of meeting him? Nice, smart girls don't behave that way. He does at one point make a comment about ending up with garbage when you pick through the trash. Still... including those photos sort of detracted from the supposed message he was trying to present.

I recommend this book to all Motley Crue or Nikki Sixx fans, anyone interested in rock bios or the metal music of the late 80s, mid-90s, or the L.A. glam/punk scene of that time period. I enjoyed the read. I picked it up at 3 a.m. one night and didn't put it down until I finished it around 8 a.m. And after reading it, I love Nikki just as much as I ever did, and that's quite a bit...

Rules for Saying Goodbye by Katherine Taylor

I love the title of this book. Every time I walked past it on the "new release" shelf, it caught my eye. But I was always looking for a specific book. Finally I picked it up to find out what it was about. The blurb on the jacket said something along the lines of, "Katherine's in Rome and she's just broken up with her boyfriend and she needs to get her act together."


I had just returned from Rome. After taking a big trip, I like to bask in the memories, spending forever organizing the vacation photos and reading about the places I saw. Seemed like a good reason to check this out.

Well, the blurb is stupid and misleading. This isn't about about a woman in Rome trying to recover from a bad relationship. The event mentioned in the blurb doesn't happened until near the end of the book. The part of the book that takes place in Rome is a very small, and rather minor part of the story. London also plays a role in the story, but most of the action takes place in New York City -- areas of New York that are familiar to me and added to my reasons for liking this book -- despite being misled by the book jacket.

It isn't quite literature, but it is significantly better than the typical, "chick lit" filling the shelves these days. This is more along the lines of Melissa Banks' books. (I loved Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing and Wonder Spot.)

This is the story of Kate and follows her life from attending a boarding school in Massachusetts to going to college in California and then moving into a rent controlled apartment in New York. She's trying to be a writer, but her life is quite comfortable working as a bartender, staying up all night and sleeping during the day. Sometimes she dates, sometimes she falls for guys and at one point she moves to London with a guy who eventually provides the inspiration for the essay titled: Rules for Saying Goodbye. She returns to New York and goes back to bartending and develops something of an email relationship with another European guy. She moves to Rome, she falls in love with the email guy. He proposes, she meets his family and somewhere along the way, she becomes aware of what she wants in her life, or rather what she doesn't want.

What I enjoyed about the book was the way the characters rang true. From her crazy, selfish mother to her strange cousins and unstable classmates, these never felt false. I could recognize my friends and myself in the people she described as she reached adulthood. The life she detailed reminded me of the life I wished I'd lived when I was younger. I know people like her and her acquaintances. These are "my people" -- the writers, artists, musicians, actors, bartenders.

But a glance at some of the harsh reviews on amazon displays that these people are not for everyone. We don't fit into the expected mold, the sort who grow up, see the light and focus our lives on pairing up and reproducing. But it's nice to find a book like this and realize that we do exist.

She wasn't especially ambitious, (sadly, again I can relate) but she did care more about having a career than having a man. She cared about her friends and cared about the people who were important to her. She'd not the typical heroine, in hot pursuit of a man, any man to put a ring on her finger, which some people may find disconcerting.

I liked the book. It's a light read, but a fun read. I loved the characters in the story, after the book was over I wanted to know more. But I got the distinct impression that part of the story was over. She left New York, she moved to L.A., putting that part of her life behind her. Time to grow up or at least start over in a new place. It's a nice book and lately, I've been recommending it to everyone who brings up the subject of books.

Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

When asked, I've described this book as Wuthering Heights times ten, or Jane Eyre on crack. And in case it isn't obvious, descriptions like that indicate that I loved this book.

It's the story the Bronte sisters would have written had they not been restricted by social conventions. This is wonderfully dark and creepy -- exactly what I was wanting to read to put me in a dark, fall mood.

The main character, a historian/researcher who works at her father's rare book store, is approached by an author to write her life story. The character isn't sure she wants the job, but she's intrigued, so she goes to visit the author. Soon she finds herself investigating a disturbing story about a disturbed family - neglectful parents and demented children - and the damage they wrought upon those around them.

I don't want to give anything away except to say that this is the perfect book for a late, stormy evening.

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Everyone I know has read Kite Runner. It's an incidental thing, not a case of everyone saying "you must read this book" but rather, a more casual, "hey I just read this book the other day, have you heard of it?"

If you liked Kite Runner, I suspect you will like this book as well, the second book from the same author. I found that I liked and disliked in this book the same elements that I liked and disliked in Kite Runner.

I find the history included in the story to be compelling. The author has a way of educating his readers about a part of the world to which we are largely ignorant, and he does so while telling an engrossing story. Accidental education, you think you're just enjoying a story when in fact you're learning something.

The characters led such brutal and harsh lives. This, I know, is unfortunately a reflection of the reality of what women have endured in Afghanistan. That might be what makes the story so hard to digest, the awareness that this is happening in the world. This was not a third world country, this was a prosperous nation, and it all fell apart, and remains in pieces.

The novel spans several generations of women, and many phases of Afghanistan's history -- the Soviet occupation, the warlords, the Taliban, the U.S. bombing, and finally, the current time period, which unfortunately may be a return of the Taliban. By reading this book we understand how the people were affected and in this case the women in particular.

There were times when I didn't feel as if the female characters rang true. These were clearly female character created by a man. I was unnerved by the nine year old thinking she was in love. That was too young for a child to have feelings like that. She was describing the sort of feelings that usually don't happen until later teens. I had to go back and read the part because I was so startled when I saw the line that "she was almost ten years old." I never felt especially close to the characters. Their situations took on a soap opera like element with so many extreme situations, the deaths, the pregnancies, the betrayals, so many characters that were pure evil versus characters that were pure good. While I found the situation and the portrayals of war in the city to be devastating, I felt numb to individual characters.

The coincidences bothered me. They didn't seem as absurd in this book as they were in the other, but nonetheless they were there. When I mentioned this a friend pointed out "that's what happens in fiction." Maybe, in some fiction, not the type I usually read. If this didn't bother you in Kite Runner, it won't bother you in this book.

Despite my criticisms, I'm glad I read it because I am interested in the history of the Middle East. I believe that a lot of people will enjoy it, in the same way that they've enjoyed Kite Runner.


finished reading: August 13, 2007

On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan

I found the premise of this book intriguing. A young couple's wedding night, both virgins, contemplating the consummation of their marriage.

The setting is the 1950s, right before the sexual revolution. According to the book, they live in a time before it was fun to be single, it was necessary to be part of a couple in order to enjoy what the world had to offer.

Much of the book consists of the thoughts in their head. Reminding each other of how they met, how they fell in love, and the concern and frustration over what to expect, how to react, what to do in this next step of adulthood, the beginning of a marriage.

He's so eager and she's simply terrified. But they're both entirely too polite with each other. They haven't quite grasped the concept that they are going to be spending the rest of their lives together.

They've both had unusual upbringings, his mother was brain damaged and his father had to be both parents to his three young children and care taker to his wife. She had a cold, distant mother who certainly never took the time to talk to her daughter about something like sex. It is also hinted ever so slightly that she might have had an improper relationship with her father. But again, it could be the confusion of a child. (I've read Atonement by this same author, a book about lives ruined because of a child's confusion regarding sex.)

As I read this, I felt so much aching empathy for the female character. Because even in modern times, if a person doesn't know what to expect, if she's never been told, if she's having to gather second-hand information... It made me wonder how a man could write something so accurate with regard to a woman's feelings. I tend to not read books written by men, especially if they presume to understand women. But I continue to read work by McEwan because he does seem to understand his subject matter and he creates women that are real, and not the hysterical, over-emotive and/or cardboard characters created by most male writers. In this instance, I was especially impressed. A man who has such a strong understanding of the thoughts in a woman's head is quite rare.

It's a small, compact book. The action takes place in one night. Easy to read while laying out in the sun. Probably not considered a beach read, despite its title, but I did read it while sunning, all at once. Gave me a bit of a sunburn because I stayed outside a little too long. But I couldn't stop reading.

It's very sad. In the end, I found the story to be a cautionary tale about what happens when a person doesn't express his or her feelings. If these two people would have just told each other what was going on in their minds, then they probably would have had a good laugh, realizing they were on exactly the same page, and worked through their fears. They loved each other and that should count for something. But when pride stands in front of love, a person may retain their pride, but that might be all that is left.

It's a beautiful story, and as I've said in other reviews, I don't especially enjoy McEwan's books, but I think they are very well written. In this case, the writing was so powerful, I couldn't stop thinking about the book after I read it. I had to keep reminding myself that the characters were fictional and that it was silly to get so upset over what happened to them. When something sticks with you like that, that's the mark of excellent writing.


finished reading: August 1, 2007

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows

I was in Italy when the book was released. I got my copy about a week after everyone else did because I selected the free shipping on amazon.com I got it on Friday, read about a hundred pages on Saturday, a hundred more on Sunday, on Monday, I got up around 4 or 5 am and started reading it, and I didn't get out of bed until I finished reading it.

I loved this book. I was disappointed with Book 6 because I didn't like what happened to my beloved Snape. My friends were worried that I wouldn't make it through this book.

I admit the first of it was slow going for me. I got a little tired of Harry, Ron and Hermoine in a tent in the woods. Once I got past that though, by the time I was about halfway through the story, I couldn't put it down.

I was pleased with the ending. Overwhelmingly relieved that I wasn't wrong in loving the "bad boy." At the very end, I had a tear in my eye at the mention of "the bravest man I ever knew."

Bravo to JK Rowling for creating this excellent series. Something most writers can only dream of doing -- producing seven well-written, interesting, exciting, beloved novels.

I look forward to re-reading these someday, during a lazy summer, maybe while retreating to a cottage in Britain, accompanied by a visit to Oxford. Someday.


finished reading: July 30, 2007

Evening by Susan Minot

I decided to read Evening after seeing the previews for the movie. I’m so glad I read it before watching the movie because the movie was phenomenally disappointing, whereas the book was beautiful.

The book tells the story of Ann’s last days. Much of the story is Ann’s morphine induced rambling, one memory blurring into the next. “I will always, I will never.” The words of every argument, every promise, every broken heart. Once I was involved in the story, I found these passages to be the most poignant element of the story. At the end of one’s life, this is all these days become: fragments, simple phrases that merge into the next, one moment indistinguishable from another, with a few bright, crystalline exceptions.

For Ann, the exception was the weekend of her best friend’s wedding, an event more significant than the three weddings of her own that she would later have.

While the movie is simple and predictable, the book is raw and complicated. During Ann’s final days, she reflects on the idea that when she’s gone, all her memories will go with her. She tries to make some sense of her life, looking around at her many possessions and realizes that she isn’t the things she owned, that her children will not carry on her true essence. All the things that made her who she is exist inside of her and will soon be gone. She had three husbands and gave birth to five children. She endured abuse and loss, she had big houses and pretty things.

She arrives at the conclusion that if life has high and low points, then her highest point happened when she was 25, the weekend of her Lila's wedding. Everything after that was less. Ann got married and had children, over and over again, because it seemed like the thing to do. She submitted to men who would take care of her and adore her, but she always kept her heart to herself, never loving her husbands, never feeling close to her children. And during her last moments all she could think of was the man she believed she fell in love with during the weekend of her friend’s wedding.

But the reader is aware of things Ann doesn’t know, revealing that the love she felt for Harris was one sided. He had no intention of their relationship lasting beyond the weekend. He belonged to another. Ann was beautiful and vibrant, this is clear not only from Harris’ attraction but also the subsequent men who insisted on having her. Harris wanted to have sex with her. He wasn’t different from any other man. But he never planned to spend his life with her.

To Ann though, Harris represented a time in her life when she was happy and hopeful. A time when she was a young woman living in New York City and still believed that she would be a successful singer. I don’t think Ann honestly regarded him as her one true love but after a life of failed loves, she looked back on her time with him as holding potential that was never fulfilled, like so much of her life. She was happy in his arms and she never felt that kind of happiness again. The morning after her last night with Harris, her world fell apart because of a tragedy. Innocence lost. He was the last good thing before everything became real and horrible.

I enjoyed this book because it served as a reflection of a time in which women felt they had few options. They weren’t supposed to go out on their own. They were supposed to get married and have babies. Ann did what was expected of her, and she never lived the life she wanted to have.

And when the evening of her life fell upon her, she saw the brightest, happiest moments of her life. It's a story about regret and guilt and the agony of wondering what might have been.

Atonement by Ian McEwan (audio)

This was our most recent book club selection, though it seems that our book club will never meet to discuss this book.

Every attempt to read this left me uninterested. I decided to pick up the audio version of the book in an act of desperation. I spend at least an hour and half on the road every day, so I figured I could get it listened to in a week or so.

Point being, I listened to this. I didn't actually sit down and read it. I don't know if that matters, but anyway…

Overall, I didn't enjoy the book that much. The heavy wording doesn't seem appropriate for the rather simple storyline. A young girl with an over active imagination accuses an innocent man of a horrible crime. And for some reason that is never quite explained, everyone believes her, despite the lack of evidence. The most likely explanation is that it was a class issue, the child was from a well off family, the man she accused was the servant's son. The life of the person accused is ruined. He serves time and is then forced into the army. This takes place during WWII, I believe.

The book describes his life and the horrors he witnesses while in the army. Also, the reader learns about the life of the woman who loved him. They had one brief encounter before he was sent away. Being that she's the sister of the accuser, she cuts off her family and creates a life of her own as a nurse. She lives a lonely life, waiting for her lover to be free. One highlight of the book is the description of their passion and devotion to each other that continues during their time apart. It's a romance created by letters and ideas and desires because they never had the chance to act on their feelings for each other.

In the end, it is revealed that Briony finally realized that she had done and the harm she caused. But by then it was too late. Evidently she becomes a successful writer. There is one absurd passage in the book though where she submits her story and it's rejected. However, her rejection letter is accompanied by a long glowing review of what a remarkable writer she is. The letter contains numerous questions about what she's written, suggesting that maybe she focus on the consequences of the behavior in the story – the story is, of course, the story of what she thought she saw. The reviewer seems to be the one that points out to Briony the error in her beliefs, emphasizing that this story is a tale told by a confused child, not a recollection of an actual event.

The atonement though, as suggested by the title, never happens. It exists in wanting and hoping, but not in actuality. I felt defeated after listening to this. Since listening to this though, I've read another Ian McEwan book, which left me with a similar feeling. He's an excellent writer, but the stories are a bit rough to handle.

Good Omens

I finished reading this during a raging thunderstorm, while watching the Omen. It somehow seemed appropriate to read a hilarious story about the antiChrist while watching a rather stupid movie about the same subject.

After falling for the Sandman series, I'm trying to read the Neil Gaiman novels in order, so I started with this.

I thought it was funny. I enjoyed the bickering angel and demon. I loved the witch in the story. There were so many quotes about witches and angels that I wrote down from the book because I loved them. The bits about how "most books claim witches dance around naked, because most books about witches are written by men."

This is a very clever book. A very light hearted look at the powers of good and evil, the end of the world, and the influence of environment. The definitive take on nature versus nurture.

Stardust by Neil Gaiman (audio)

I listened to this while driving to and from Austin. It made the drive, which is usually such a beat down, seem short.

I really like that the book is read by the author because no one understands the characters of a book better than the author.

This is considered a fairy tale for adults. A young man goes off in search of a fallen star in hopes of winning the hand of the woman he loves. But along the way he learns many things about life and love.

There are several different storylines. Tristan isn't the only person seeking the fallen star. In the end the different storylines all mingle together as the characters try to claim the star.

It's a nice story. I do recommend it, this audio version in particular.

I also highly recommend the movie version of this story that recently came out.


Finished listening: June 12, 2007

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses is one of my favorite books. I finished No Country for Old Men in one night because I could not stop reading it. Suffice it to say, I’m a fan of his writing.

Then Oprah selected this for her book club. It’s no secret that I’m a fan of Oprah, though not always of her show. (My husband cheated with my best friend – wtf? I mean, seriously.) Then I read an interview with Trent Reznor, I believe it was in Kerrang. They asked him how he was spending his downtime on the tour, being that he doesn’t drink and party anymore. He said he reads and the last book he read was The Road. (As if I don’t already adore Trent Reznor, do you have idea how much sexier he becomes simply by talking about books?) Either that same day or the next, The Road was given the Pulitzer Prize. Oprah, Trent, Pulitzer – this book had a lot of things working in its favor, along with the fact that I’m already a fan of McCarthy’s writing. I’d been on the waiting list for the book for a few weeks, probably since Oprah selected the book, but that afternoon, the day I found out it won the Pulitzer, I went and bought a copy.

I found it to be written in the same “I can’t put this down” manner. I wonder though if that’s partly because there aren’t any chapter breaks, never a real stopping point. The style is a sort of stream of conscious, flowing from one scene to the next. Of course, if I didn’t find the story interesting, I probably wouldn’t care if there were any official breaks.

By now, I guess most people know the basic premise of the story: a man and his son, walking along the road in a grey, ash covered world that has, for all intents and purposes, ended. They have a shopping cart and a few possessions. They are constantly seeking food and shelter in the remnants of the world.

The book is written in such a way that the reader is placed on the road with these two, experiencing their struggle as they walk towards uncertainty. Maybe that’s why I felt like I couldn’t stop reading this, I needed to keep going. Along the path, they encounter others who have been left behind, dying, starving, insane or marauding.

The father claims he has to keep moving for his son, he has to stay alive because as long as his son is alive, there must be a god.

There’s no explanation as to what happened in the world. I got the impression, from his descriptions of the first signs of trouble that a bomb hit. A catastrophe of some sort took place that destroyed the earth, blocked the sun and made even the oceans turn grey. Infrastructure collapsed and anarchy ensued. The survivors were left to fend for themselves.

The story is chilling, because I think of the incompetence of our government, their inability to mobilize in the event of disaster, the shambles of the current quagmire in the middle east and I realize that in case of disaster we would be very much on our own.

But the predominant thought that kept going through my head was “why would someone want to survive in these conditions?” I don’t have much of a survivalist instinct, at least not when it involves being only one of a handful of people left living in the world.

For example, I’ve never understood people who stock up on gas masks and tape for their windows in preparation for a biological disaster. If the whole world is going to fall apart, I would like to go with it. I have no desire to live in a world that’s been destroyed. Why would you want to be alive inside your house while everything around you went up in flames. Eventually you would have to leave the confines of your home and deal with the horror. I suspect I have different point of view because I don’t have a family. But I can’t imagine wanting my child to have that sort of life either. Why work so hard to keep the child alive when there is nothing left?

While I assume the intent is that this is a story of hope and love, I could never get past the idea that their struggle was one of profound false hope.

Still, it’s very well written. However, there are some truly gruesome scenes in this story. I supposed that is to be expected because, well, it is sort of a story about the end of the world. I was worried because I read most of this late at night while staying at my sister’s house and was concerned that it would give me nightmares. No nightmares, at least none that stayed with me. It does make you think though. A lot of, “what would I do?” No water, no electricity, no fuel, no government. I wouldn’t start walking with no destination in mind. I guess I’d just sit at home and hope the end came quickly.

Devil's Feather by Minette Walters

Minette Walters is one of my favorite writers. I think she's written some of the best mysteries ever -- Ice House, Shape of Snakes, Dark Room. But I've not been crazy about her last few books -- Acid House and Fox Evil.

But Devil's Feather is a return to the style I liked so much in her older books. A suspenseful mystery, that integrates current social issues, interesting, likable, well-developed characters, in particular, strong, independent-minded female characters who don't suffer fools and have no trouble taking care of themselves, and a proper British setting.

In this particular story the main character is an international reporter who has covered war and conflict in several different locations. While attempting to investigate the similar murders of some women in different locations, she is abducted. After her release she goes into seclusion, claiming she's writing a story about what happened, when in fact she is trying to deal with the psychological damage inflicted on her while being captured, as well as remain hidden from the man who tortured her. He was a beast using war as a cover for his crime, knowing that the locals would be too occupied with the international conflict to notice the harm he was inflicting on women in the area. He attacked women he viewed as insignificant, and he didn't take kindly to a reporter catching on to his game.

I loved this book. Besides the well told story, this novel also emphasizes the need for women to be strong and willing to fight when necessary. I highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys an engrossing suspense story that includes some ass-kicking women.

Finished reading: June 3, 2007

Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton (audio)

I honestly don't know if any woman in my life has had more influence on me than Hillary Rodham Clinton. I know that might sound extreme to some people, but for me, I spent the early years of my life desperately seeking a strong female role model. I was in high school during the first Clinton presidential campaign. I was disgusted by the fact that my friends now cared about nothing more than boys and makeup. I wanted something more and I needed to know that there were women in the world who did aspire to something more. And there was Hillary, and she was simply brilliant. I latched on to her and my feelings for her haven't faltered over the years. I'm not saying that she's perfect, it isn't a blind devotion, I'll acknowledge fault. She's human. But it is a sincere devotion. Because of her I realized there are strong, successful women, and because of her I became aware of the hatred most of this country feels for strong, successful women. Without a doubt, the main topic on my mind in the coming months will be her presidential campaign. Go, Hill, go!

But this is not a review of Hillary, but rather her book.

I bought it as soon as it came out, but then never got around to reading it. I decided to pick up the unabridged version at the library and listen to it during my daily commute for the last few weeks of my job.

I enjoyed the early parts, when she talks about her family and her college days. It's a side of her that isn't widely seen. You get a better understanding of her background and the basis of her beliefs. She's always been very involved and interested in the world. I also thoroughly enjoyed her description of meeting and falling in love with Bill Clinton. Again, this provides a solid foundation for why she made the choices she has made regarding their relationship. There's a part in the book when she describes how the people around her were shocked by her decision to marry him because she could do so much on her own, why would she choose to be this man's wife and move to Arkansas with him? She loved him, she loves him. She said when she met him they started a conversation and it has been going on ever since.

But once she gets to the part about Bill's political career and particularly his presidential career, I was bothered by the way the story becomes a strong defense for their every action. It made me sad, because I thought of how, in a way, her life, and in this case, her life story becomes nothing more than the act of defending her husband and often making excuses for his actions. (Here's the point where I should state that I am also a huge Bill Clinton fan, but still...) This is a woman who very much had to set aside her goals and aspirations for the dreams of her husband. During these portions of the story, I didn't feel like I was learning any new information. These were the same arguments that we heard when they were in office.

I did however like the stories about the work she did for international women's rights. I remember that time and how awesome it was that she was taking part in those trips and trying to make a difference.

Also, I began to get the impression that because she is still very, very much in the public eye, she can't provide a truly honest assessment of these events. She's still running for office. In many ways, parts of this book read as if they were excerpts from campaign literature.

It will be a long time before she's in a position to publish the honest story of what it was like to be the president's wife, especially a president such a Bill Clinton. She isn't in a position now to tell the full and accurate truth regarding her feelings and impressions. Maybe she'll be comfortable enough to share that story someday. And maybe when she does share that story, it will be accompanying her account of what it was like to be the first president of the United States.

Memory Keeper's Daughter (audio)

I listened to this book while driving back and forth to work during the last week or so of my job. Mid-May of this year.

This was an interesting story. A doctor delivers his twins one winter night, when the roads are too icy for his wife's doctor to get to them. The first child, a boy, is fine. The second child has Downs Syndrome. He hands the baby to his nurse along with an address and tells her to drop the child off at that location. When his wife regains consciousness he tells her the second baby died, thus setting into motion a life full of lies.

The nurse gets to the place, described as a "home for the feeble minded." She's horrified by what she sees and decides to run away and raise the child as her own.

The book describes the lives of the two children over the years and their family environments. One child is raised in the ideal suburban setting, the other by a struggling single mother. But one child is surrounded by cold, distant parents - a father consumed with his guilt and a mother who never got over the death of her child - the other child surrounded by love and support.

The story is in some ways a reflection of the times. But more troublesome than being unwilling to raise a child with a disability is the way the father had no regard for his wife and chose to not even tell her of the existence of their child.

This is a story about a man who had no respect for his daughter or his wife. In the beginning, as he describes his wife, it becomes apparent that he regards her as nothing more than a pretty doll, never imagining that she might have feelings and ideas. He alone makes the decision to send their child away. Later in their marriage, he becomes angry and insecure when his wife decides to get a job and then starts her own travel company. He takes up photography, the manner in which he goes about this hobby is indicitive of his obsession with perfection and appearances. He has no interest in anyone's actual feelings. He just wants everything to look right. ... the evil that men do.

I found the parts of the story about the nurse raising Phoebe to be most interesting, because she becomes involved in education reform in a fight to get her "daughter" the kind of attention she needed. But at the same time, I was bothered by the awareness that the woman's devotion to the child originated from the unrequited love she felt for the doctor. (It's been a while since I read the story, so I don't remember any names.) She couldn't have him, she couldn't be the mother of his children, so she lived in a sort of pretend world, raising his child. It made the woman seem very pathetic, but in the end, she redeemed herself for her "crush".

I recently read a story in this month's issue of Vanity Fair about Arthur Miller having no relationship with his son who had Downs Syndrome. But after reading this story, even Miller doesn't seem as evil, because the mother of the child was allowed to have a relationship with her son. But the mother wanted to keep the child with her. And this again, shows that father doesn't always know best. This will be a better world when women stop submitting to their husbands' orders, and when husbands start respecting their wives opinions and decisions.

Paint it Black by Janet Fitch

This book is thoroughly depressing, but so very well written that I quite willingly stepped into Fitch's carefully cultivated world of misery.

My primary goal in reading fiction is the element of escapism, and I judge the quality of writing by the ease into which I can slip into an existence other than my own. While iced in on a cold, rainy Saturday, I felt transported to LA, circa 1980, immersed in the decadent of punk rock / art scene.

Josie Tyrell came to LA with nothing but a desire to escape the tow yard in Bakersfield and her white trash family. While working as an art model, she met Michael, an art student and Harvard drop-out with famous, wealthy parents who wanted to live in the "true world". He wants to be part of Josie's world, one in which people take care of themselves, one in which he's not controlled by his parents and their history, he wants to be his own person for the first time in his life. Michael though, despite his desires, suffers from depression, more severe than he or Josie or his mother, Meredith, can understand.

One day he tells Josie he's going to his mother's house to paint and a few days later Josie receives a phone call informing her that he's been found dead in a hotel room, a gunshot to the head in an apparent suicide.

That's how the story begins. The rest of the novel is Josie's attempts to understand what happened, what went wrong, the signs she might have missed, a place to lay the blame. But instead she discovers more secrets and lies and confusion, and more questions than she will ever find answers.

Josie finds herself forming a bond with Michael's mother, the only other person who knew him. They cling to each other because no one else could possibly understand their shared pain. Josie is drawn into the world that destroyed Michael and is then faced with the decision to succumb or pull away.

Because of the superb writing, the characters in this story feel so real. Josie's memories of Michael's gradual slide into darkness, her fear and admiration of Meredith, and her struggle to continue a new life, one without the only person who ever made her feel real. Michael was the first person who didn't look at her as if she was trash, and yet, the more she learns about him, the more she begins to question what she believed was their love.

I suspect it could be the result of my own unstable mental state that I felt so connected to Josie. Not because I know anything about living in California or being an art model or having a boyfriend that committed suicide, but rather because I could relate to her determination to have something more, something better than her past told her she could have - even if that meant being left with nothing.

There's a scene near the end of the book when Josie's sitting in traffic wondering why she couldn't have been satisfied with something simple.

Pg. 345 - In an alternate universe, she would be going home from a day at the bank, the Auto Club, the State Farm office, thinking about her own kids and what she would make for dinner in her suburban kitchen in El Monte. Tuna casserole with potato chips crumbled on top. Her young husband picking them up at day care. What was so wrong about that? Something simple and basic, attainable. She wanted too much, that was her fault, not just Michael's love, but everything everything everything. Genius and wealth and culture, art and achievement...

I read that passage and immediately felt like I knew the character and understood everything she wanted. The burning a person feels when they escape a small town and yearn for something more, something so out of their reach. The easy way out is right there in front of you, but if you take that path, you know you'll never have a shot at what you really want. So you opt for nothingness rather than simple mediocrity.

Pg. 383: She liked the city, people close all around, crowds, the feel of something happening. Music, nightlife, being on the list, the girl everyone wanted to know – the possibility of more than dishes and diapers and the grocery store.

You hold onto that possibility as the world crumbles around you.

This is a story about people trying to pull away from that which controls them, without letting go, because they can't or they won't. This is about coming to terms with a past full of horror and degradation or allowing it to destroy you, actions and words that you can never take back, memories that you have to learn to live with, set them aside and move on. Most of all, this book is about trying desperately to find something beautiful in a world that is filled with ugliness. Josie didn't even know there was beauty in the world until she met Michael. But then Michael gave up his search, overwhelmed by the process, leaving Josie behind to continue looking on her own.

I really liked this book.

Twilight of the Superheroes by Deborah Eisenberg

Sometimes, after reading a book like this, I wonder if maybe I'm just not as intelligent as I think I am. Maybe I'm simply too dense to "get it". I picked up this book because it was on several "best of" lists at the end of last year, and I liked the title – Twilight of the Superheroes.

The book is a collection of several unrelated short stories. Overall, I didn't feel like the stories had much substance.

When I read something, I want to be entertained or informed, surprised or amused, I want to be taken to a new place, a different world, or I want a connection with my current state of existence. I felt none of that with the stories in this book.

The stories never revealed much about the characters, they touched on the ideas of family and relationships and the breakdown of such. They all felt if they contained the potential for something more, but never quite got there. If anything, after I read the stories I felt like, "why did I just bother reading that if I wasn't going to learn anything more about these people?"

If someone else has read this and loved it, feel free to let me know what I missed, because I was fully expecting to like this and am disappointed that I didn't.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Finally read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I have to admit I'm disappointed.

I bought the book the week it came out last summer. I started reading it and had to stop shortly into the novel because I was disturbed by the direction the character of Snape was taking. I love Snape. I've got a thing for bad boys, not so much bad, but misunderstood. The dark, mysterious loner, the inept social skills and the brilliant mind. Plus, Alan Rickman portrays that characters in the movies and I think he's so sexy and even more so when decked out in the Trent Reznor circa early 90s look.

A few pages in, things were not looking good for Snape and I stopped reading. A common trait about women who love bad guys, we prefer to stay in denial when others are trying to point out his bad traits.

Now though, with the announcements being released about the last book – title was revealed a few weeks ago – I felt like it was time to finally get that book read. I couldn't avoid it forever and it would be stupid to have read the first five books and then just stop.

Over Thanksgiving I bought a paperback copy of the book because I had quite a bit of traveling planned for the next few weeks (ie lots of time spent sitting in airports) and didn't want to lug around the hardbound copy of the book.

I managed to get through the 600+ pages in a few long sittings. Never once though did I feel like the story grabbed me, propelling me through the pages unable to put it down. It did however provide a nice escape while spending time in airport waiting areas. However, when not stuck somewhere waiting, it was something of an effort to pick up the book.

With each book, I find I like the character of Harry even less. That doesn't at all lessen my interest in the story, but it does diminish my emotional attachment to the main character. When I read stories about school situations, I tend to compare it to my own school experience and try to figure out which students would be part of which clique. Harry, the "chosen one" and star athlete would be the kind of student I would have avoided. I guess you could say I would have been more of the Neville and Luna type of student.

Well, if you've read the book, factoring in my feelings for Snape, you know exactly why I was upset by the ending. I wasn't that bothered at all by the part of the book that was supposed to be upsetting because I was too angry about what happened to Snape.

I didn't particularly enjoy reading this book, but I am at least anxious to read the final book, in hopes of some sort of satisfactory resolution.

The Mercy of Thin Air by Ronlyn Domingue

The title is what drew me to this book. The cover featured the hazy image of the back of a young woman. The saying goes "don't judge a book by its cover" but in truth, a nice cover and an enticing title does quite a bit to make a book stand out among the many books on display at the bookstore.

In this case, the description of the story sounded as intriguing as the cover. Set in New Orleans, a woman, dead 70 years, exists in a realm of "in-between", seeks information about the man she once loved, while observing a newlywed couple struggle with the trials of the living.

I was hoping for something beautiful and tragic and dark. And it was, to some extent. But also, the story possessed a strong sense of practicality that I thought detracted a bit from the intensity it might have had otherwise. This wasn't quite the story of ghosts and lost lovers mired in voodoo that I'd hoped it would be. I liked this book, but I wanted to love this book.

There almost seemed to be too many storylines running through this book. We learn bits and pieces of different people's lives, past and present, enough to make me curious and interested, but not enough to make me care or connect to the people. It felt like maybe too much was attempted. I didn't feel like enough attention was paid to the ways in which the stories connected. The connection is somewhat surprising, but it felt rushed in the end. I felt like I didn't learn enough to fully understand what had happened or more so to really feel the effects of what happened. I had questions at the end -- and if anyone else has read this book or does read this book and would like to discuss, get in touch with me. Seriously.

I'd summarize this book as being about people who met the love of their lives -- their soul mate, the person who set them on fire, the one -- then lost that person. The story lies in how each person manages to move forward, knowing they will never feel love like that again, and in each instance settling for someone comfortable and safe. A practical love. The stories are presented in a way that assumes that this is what a person is supposed to do -- settle for someone you know you can never love as much as the person you lost. This idea bothered me immensely, because while I understand that this is the most logical choice, a person cannot build a life with a ghost, I also believe that in some situations a person would be better off alone with their memories than sharing their life with someone they don't passionately love. Why should Amy settle for Scott? Nothing about his character makes me think he was worthy of her love.

In life, we're forced to live in a logical and practical manner, but in my fiction, I want the characters to find a way to surpass those boundaries and refuse to settle.